When you take a closer look at western religion, the stories of the Old Testament in particular, what you’re really studying are the distant echoes of Babylonia and the Near East. The stone tablets have turned to dust, and their great heroes have turned to video games, but their spiritual wisdom lives on in the depths of the human psyche.
Enter Babylon
The only tablets we examine today have touch screens. And a smattering of limericks may be no substitute for the lost inscriptions of Gilgamesh and the Enuma Elish, but they’re certainly easier to carry around. So drop your pith helmet and kick up your heels. It’s time we had a little fun blaspheming the earliest roots of western spirituality.
Enuma Elish
Tiamat once covered the cosmos like mist
And smothered her offspring with Babylon’s fist
Till Marduk prevailed
Leaving chaos unveiled
Granting heaven and earth separate space to exist
Tammuz & Ishtar
Tammuz herded sheep for Sanai to Sumer
Then stranded his queen with her own cross to bear
He was hounded by Ishtar
Who summoned the Dog Star
And the seasons below they decided to share
Out with the old, in with the new
For several chapters of the Old Testament, God’s Chosen People find themselves at odds with the older, regional deities. In the same way that WalMart comes to town and drives out all the independent, mom-n-pop shops with a single super-store, the followers of Yahweh try to wipe out every trace of the old-school, local religions.
Craven Images
In the land of the sand Yahweh faced an opponent
With servants devout, as their temples have shown it
But if in your hall
Stands one statue of Ba’al
The dictum demands that you promptly disown it
Hallowed Be Thy Name
A disturbance of deities and holy devices
They promise salvation and offer advices
It’s hard to be sure
Which god to prefer
I side with El Shaddi, the One Who Suffices
Elsewhere, east of the River Tigris
Meanwhile, in the region of Persia, new prophets began espousing strange ideologies. For the first time, good and evil were severed like King Solomon’s baby. Ancient philosophers and sages of the east generally recognize good and evil as concomitant forces to be held in balance, like Yin and Yin. But in the times of early antiquity, in the middle east, a new paradigm of dualism emerged.
Manichaeism
There’s a Parthian prophet called Mani
With a dual ideal that’s uncanny
He drew a sharp line
Between body and mind
Was he Persian or West Pakistani?
Ahura Mazda
Zarathustra thus spoke in the land of the Persian
Worshipping One of an earlier version
The good and the wise
Who could vanquish the lies
And conquer the darkness through cosmic conversion
Further Reading
If you liked these limericks about Near Eastern Mythology, please check my Amazon page, where I have 3 anthologies of metaphysical limericks. You’ll also want to check out:
- Limericks about Ancient Egypt
- Limericks about Western Philosophy
- Limericks about Greek Gods
- Limericks about Native American Mythology
- Limericks about Astrology
- What is a Limerick?
