Limericks about the Old Testament

The Old Testament forms the foundation of all Abrahamic religions. Some call it the Good Book, the Word of God, or even the Ultimate Truth. Of course, some people are prone to hyperbole.

Maybe it’s not the Last Word. But its words have lasted. It survived the Age of Enlightenment and the age of Darwin, if only barely. And now, in the era of Harry Potter, the Bible is really losing its punch.

So what you like about the Old Testament, but these ancient stories have survived the ages. You can interact with them on a historical level or a figurative level. I prefer to meet them on the poetic level. And the following set of limericks about the Old Testament should illustrate that.

Old Fashioned Idolatry
In the land of the sand Yahweh faced an opponent
With servants devout, as their temples have shown it
But if in your hall
Stands one statue of Ba’al
The dictum demands that you promptly disown it

David and Goliath
The Philistine giant four cubits and then some
Was struck by a stone that was aimed to convince him
With unceasing credence
In Jahweh’s allegiance
That even an undersized long shot can win some

Raiders of the Ark
As Uzzah attempted to steady the Ark
The Lord struck him down with a shot from the dark
Where secrets are hidden
The touch is forbidden
His bite as it happened was worse than His bark

Every Witch Way
There once was a sorceress Jezebel
Whose fortress was nearly impregnable
The young necromantic
With phrases pedantic
Could render a man inexpressible

Jonah and the Whale
A metaphor helps with the truth to unveil
See for yourself what’s inside of a whale
A dark hollow place
With some hard facts to face
Without inner wisdom you’re certain to fail