Melodious Limericks about Classical Music

“Music,” says the English poet and playwright William Congreve, “hath charms to soothe a savage beast.” This famous and all-too-often misquoted line comes from the 1697 play, “The Mourning Bride”.

Back then, music lovers were still soothing their ears with the pleasant sounds of renaissance madrigals and the polyphonic operas of Monteverdi. The world had yet to learn of counterpoint by Bach or the symphonies of Beethoven, not to mention the soothing sounds of Stevie Wonder or the soporific charms of James Taylor.

Call me old school, but I still find myself drawn to the soothing charms of classical music. I’ve even penned a few limericks on this tuneful topic. And while some of them are simply playful and zany, you’ll actually find others to be somewhat educational. Did you know, for example, that Johann Sebastian Bach and Frederick the Great used to write fugues for one another? Or that, according to rumors, Johannes Brahms spent his adolescence performing in houses of ill repute?

     Johann Sebastian Bach (1685-1750)
     Johann made a Fugue of an Art
     He always knew just where to start
                 He offered a riddle
                 That stopped in the middle
     So Frederick could write the last part

     George Friedrich Handel (1685-1759)
     There once was a Hessian from Halle
     Whose “Water” could soothe a koala
               But oh what a scandal
               If George Friedrich Handel
     Had sung “The Messiah” for Allah

     Ludwig van Beethoven (1770-1827)
     There’s a crafty composer from Bonn
     Creating from dusk until dawn
               Symphonic productions
               And joyful eruptions
     Well after his hearing was gone

     Franz Liszt (1811-1886)
     There’s a prominent pianist Liszt
     Who tickled the keys with a twist
               Astounding his peers
               He garnered their cheers
     While insisting it’s all in the wrist

     Giuseppe Verdi (1813-1901) 
     There’s greasy old goombah Joe Green
     With a passion for drama so keen
               The aria stops
               The fat lady pops
     And oh what a memorable scene

     Béla Bartók (1881-1945)
     In a land very near Montenegro
     A composer asked: where does the day go?
               But his fans took the night
               As they danced with delight
     At his concerts they’d all shake allegro

     Johannes Brahms (1833-1897)
     A composer from over the Rhein
     Played songs in a house of decline
               But the young man was proud
               To draw such a crowd
     As the gentlemen waited in line

     Antonin Dvorak (1841-1904)
     There was a most musical Czech
     Who loaded his cargo on deck
               In the New World he found
               Such a satisfying sound
     That it knocked the socks off Janacek

     Claude Debussy (1862-1918)
     There’s a Frenchman with phrasing unflawed
     At his concerts the crowds would applaud
               The impressions were juicy
               From Mr. Debussy
     But his friends knew him better as Claude

     Luciano Pavarotti (1935-2007)
     The Met was endowed with a fellow
     Whose voice like no other could bellow
               The pride of Puccini
               Ate so much linguini
     He shook like a big bowl of Jell-o

Preaching to the Choir

I recently had a request from a choir group in California. (Yes, I also write custom limericks. Suggested donation $40.) They already had a series of off-beat limericks in their program. But they were having trouble coming up with one to convey the notion that the whole of their music was greater than the sum of their parts. So I quickly obliged.

     Pacific Choral
     Our song group is fond of melodious arts
     Performing in public like playboys and tarts
               Our fans they adore us 
               The sound of our chorus
     Whose whole is much more than the sum of its parts

Further Reading

If you liked these limericks about classical music, you’ll be sure to enjoy :

• Limericks about Art History
• Limericks about James Joyce
• Limericks about Western Philosophy