Limericks about Near Eastern Mythology

When you take a closer look at western religion, the stories of the Old Testament in particular, what you’re really studying are the distant echoes of Babylonia and the Near East. The stone tablets have turned to dust, and their great heroes have turned to video games, but their spiritual wisdom lives on in the depths of the human psyche.

Enter Babylon

The only tablets we examine today have touch screens. And a smattering of limericks may be no substitute for the lost inscriptions of Gilgamesh and the Enuma Elish, but they’re certainly easier to carry around. So drop your pith helmet and kick up your heels. It’s time we had a little fun blaspheming the earliest roots of western spirituality.

     Enuma Elish
     Tiamat once covered the cosmos like mist
     And smothered her offspring with Babylon’s fist
               Till Marduk prevailed
               Leaving chaos unveiled
     Granting heaven and earth separate space to exist 

     Tammuz & Ishtar
     Tammuz herded sheep for Sanai to Sumer
     Then stranded his queen with her own cross to bear
               He was hounded by Ishtar
               Who summoned the Dog Star
     And the seasons below they decided to share 

Out with the old, in with the new

For several chapters of the Old Testament, God’s Chosen People find themselves at odds with the older, regional deities. In the same way that WalMart comes to town and drives out all the independent, mom-n-pop shops with a single super-store, the followers of Yahweh try to wipe out every trace of the old-school, local religions.

     Craven Images
     In the land of the sand Yahweh faced an opponent
     With servants devout, as their temples have shown it
               But if in your hall
               Stands one statue of Ba’al
     The dictum demands that you promptly disown it

     Hallowed Be Thy Name 
     A disturbance of deities and holy devices
     They promise salvation and offer advices
               It’s hard to be sure
               Which god to prefer
     I side with El Shaddi, the One Who Suffices

Elsewhere, east of the River Tigris

Meanwhile, in the region of Persia, new prophets began espousing strange ideologies. For the first time, good and evil were severed like King Solomon’s baby. Ancient philosophers and sages of the east generally recognize good and evil as concomitant forces to be held in balance, like Yin and Yin. But in the times of early antiquity, in the middle east, a new paradigm of dualism emerged.

     Manichaeism
     There’s a Parthian prophet called Mani
     With a dual ideal that’s uncanny
               He drew a sharp line
               Between body and mind
     Was he Persian or West Pakistani?

     Ahura Mazda
     Zarathustra thus spoke in the land of the Persian
     Worshipping One of an earlier version
               The good and the wise
               Who could vanquish the lies
     And conquer the darkness through cosmic conversion

Further Reading

If you liked these limericks about Near Eastern Mythology, please check my Amazon page, where I have 3 anthologies of metaphysical limericks. You’ll also want to check out:

• Limericks about Ancient Egypt
• Limericks about Western Philosophy
• Limericks about Greek Gods
• Limericks about Native American Mythology
• Limericks about Astrology
• What is a Limerick?