Provocative Variations on Kipling: As If
Scrupulous limericks that bring Goethe to life
Before there were vaccines, before there were engines, before there was farming, there was astronomy. And there was poetry. The study of the stars and the transmission of stories through the music of language. So what could be more natural than a series of limericks about astronomy?
Few things in life are more poetic than the motion of the planets and stars. They turn in perfect rhythm, undisturbed by the whims and fancies of mere mortals. We gaze at them from distances measured in light years, and yet the constellations of Orion and the Big Bear remain our constant companions.
For thousands of years, hunters, farmers and sailors have relied on the motions of the heavens to foretell the future and provide directions. Even in a year as helter-skelter as 2020, we can still count on the stars to put a dependable twinkle in the night sky.
And now, more than ever, we need a few limericks to make it all a bit easier to swallow.
Limericks for the heavens
Sea Worthy
The fishermen call on me now and again
Asking me whither this sailor has been
For six weeks at sea
Just my parrot and me
We followed the stars and the currents within
Perseids 2020
There’s meteors coming according to NASA
Descending all evening from here to Alaska
But don’t go out looting
When stars begin shooting
The last thing we need is another disasta
Limericks in space
From the dawn of time to the present day, the idea of space travel has never failed to mesmerize us. Communication with the stars, with other worlds, it’s a fantasy we visit each and every night. Whether we approach it from a romantic sensibility, or with a mathematical passion, it’s all unthinkably fascinating.
Doppler Effect
There’s a lightwave that changes by strange hocus pocus
A photon that comes from a faraway locus
The phase shift of color
Makes red stars glow duller
As starlight approaches and comes into focus
Star Struck
Rotation of planets brings stars into view
A glimmer of twilight enlivens the dew
And half a day later
The darkness grows greater
Though dazzled by Venus I’d rather see you
Canis Major
On the belt of Orion three kings in a row
Leading us east to a star that hangs low
Look out for Sirius
Bright and mysterious
And only the wise men who follow shall know
Wind Me Up
Autonomous bodies belonging to one
Spinning in circles like clocks on the run
A system in action
Propelled by attraction
And I’ll be your planet if you’ll be my sun
The Schwarzschild Radius
There are places in space where the laws are suspended
Where light disappears and the time is upended
Best keep your eyes on
The event horizon
‘Cause falling below it is not recommended
Limericks under a bad star
The word “disaster” comes from the Greek, meaning “bad star”. And sometimes it’s reassuring when we can blame our personal catastrophes on an unfavorable arrangement of heavenly bodies. Case and point: Mercury retrograde.
Mercury Mayhem
Retrograde renders me wrinkled and wrecked
No one moves forward and nothing’s correct
A period of panic
Malfunctions and static
Till the planets and orbits have all gone direct
Out of this world
There are times when the planets run perfectly
And days when they orbit un-circley
So when data gets lost
Or your switchboard gets crossed
We can blame all our woes upon Mercury
Traditionally tasteless
Every so often, I have to throw in a limerick of the more unsavory flavor. So, turn back now if you’re easily offended.
Student Body
There’s a novice I know with an inkling of class
Though she ought to have failed I allowed her to pass
By night she would cram
For her oral exam
And by day the headmaster would study her astronomy homework
Further Reading
If you enjoyed these stellar limericks about astronomy, please consider sharing the post or subscribing to the blog. You might also want to check out some of these popular articles:
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