Provocative Variations on Kipling: As If

Equally famous for seminal novels like Kim, timeless children’s stories like The Jungle Book and commencement speech poems like “If—”, there are few greater names in British Empire literature than Rudyard Kipling.

As much as any author, the Nobel laureate Kipling deserves a good limerick for the pages of posterity.

     Rudyard Kipling
     There’s a poet with pencil held stiff
     Of his brilliance I once caught a whiff
               His Jungle Book story
               Earned eminent glory
     And he famously wondered what if

 

And now that I’ve sung the praises of this illustrious wordsmith, I’d like to mention how frankly disappointed I was with his poem, “If—”, which high school teachers seem obliged to read aloud to rooms full of graduating seniors every year. Indeed, snippets of this 125-year-old poem have appeared in places as diverse as The Simpsons and Apocalypse Now. Charming and inspirational as the poem may be, it always struck me as neither entirely satisfying nor sincere.

So, with all due respect to his iffiness, I came up with this version instead.

“As If”

          If you can bear the brunt of a thousand callous elbows
          And hold your ground among a throng of hungry fellows
          If you can stand the stench of liars who rise above you
          And keep your thoughts on the one or two who love you
          If you can bend over backwards with stress and tension
          Or stand up tall with undivided attention
          Or lean from right to left with ease
          And not just wiggle in the breeze

          If you can sense your tragic flaw and give yourself a laugh
          Or lift a shining kernel from a crusty stack of chaff
          If you can chase the spirit of wanting that burns a man’s heart
          And loosen the desire before it tears your soul apart
          If you can drink from both cups of joy and sorrow
          Or wait for now and drink tomorrow
          Or see that coins are all two-sided
          And know your fate is not decided

          If you can take a page of Kipling and follow every letter
          Or find your heroes’ faults and do their deeds one better
          If you can stand alone and know that you’re right
          And surrender your words for good works in plain sight
          If you can bite your tongue and accept it with grace
          Or let your thoughts go drifting in space
          Or focus your mind on everything pleasant
          And know that forever survives in the present

          If you can forgive the crimes of those who write the rules
          And let go of the past and the pranks and prep schools
          Without forgetting what you stand for and why
          And never believing it’s useless to try
          If you can do what you can to steer clear of strife
          And act with respect toward all forms of life
          You’ll be the pillar, and carved out of wood
          And – what’s more – you’ll be misunderstood

If you’d like to compare it to the original “If—” by Rudyard Kipling, you can easily find the complete text online.

Further Reading

I really hope you liked these poems about Rudyard Kipling. Feel free to let me know in the comments section. You might also enjoy:

• Limericks about Greek Gods
• Limericks about Science Fiction
• Serious Limericks: There once was an unsmiling rhymer