Custom Limericks and Poetry Services

These days, it seems like there’s an online master class for just about every skill you can imagine. From the secrets of osteoarchaeology to the powers of hypnosis, you might only be a few short sessions away from true mastery. But we can’t all be masters at everything, and sometimes it just makes sense to hire a professional. Whether you need a triple bypass, a rebuilt transmission, or a custom limerick, you may not have the time or the aptitude to do it yourself.

I’ve been fulfilling requests for custom limericks for nearly two decades, and there’s no topic I can’t tackle with accurate rhyming and precision meter. Limericks follow a rigid structure, but they are far more than a simple formula that you can fill out with an AI algorithm. Other formats are also available on request. Customs verses from the King of Limericks interlace personal touches, plays on words and inside jokes that no poetry bot could achieve.

Now I’m not trying to boast. After all, writing limericks isn’t quite the same as composing Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony. With sufficient practice and perseverance, most people could probably do it. The main difference is that I already have the practice, and my compulsive creativity drives me to persevere. Rarely does a flawless limerick spring to life in an instant flash of inspiration. The fact is, they require concentrated attention and persistent tinkering in order to come together just so. But all you have to do is email me!

Why hire a professional limerick author?

Limericks seem simple on the surface. But to make one turn out just right takes a bit of craft. It’s not like putting a man on Mars, but you’ll probably need some practice. And if you’re like most people I know, there’s not a lot of time in your schedule for practicing limericks.

Thousands of limericks, of varying quality, have been written by thousands of poets from around the world. And if you go online, you can easily come across the most famous limericks. But apart from the real classics, most of the limericks you find are simply crude and tasteless, or else they fail to follow the correct meter.

There’s a tradition of writing salaciously suggestive limericks, so a lot of would-be poets think if they mention a man from Nantucket and some unspeakable acts in a bucket, they’ve done the job. Not so. And others believe they’ve written a limerick as soon as they’ve found three words that rhyme (lines 1, 2 and 5) and two more words that rhyme (lines 3 and 4). But they are mistaken.

     A limerick’s not hard to define
     But it needs to do more than just rhyme
               It’s the meter that matters
               The pitters and patters
     If not you’re just wasting my time

The bouncing meter is what gives the limerick its zest. Without it, the syllables only sort of stumble along. But that’s just the basics.

If you really have something specific to say or an essential piece of information to convey, squeezing it into that strict, concise format can be a real challenge. You could spend hours wrestling over word choice and phraseology. Or you could hire a professional.

What’s the cost of a custom limerick?

Earlier, I compared hiring a limerick writer to hiring a heart surgeon. Yes, they both have special skills and training. But when it comes to the price, there’s no comparison. Heart surgery typically runs somewhere in the tens of thousands.

Currently, the price for a custom limerick is only $80. That includes two rounds of revisions if you’re not satisfied on the first try. It also includes a digital image, like the kind I include with all my blog posts, but without the King of Limericks logo in the corner. You can provide an image of your own, or I can find a suitable, high-quality photo from one of several stock image databases.

Of course, heart surgery is a matter of life and death. So perhaps the price of a cardiac operation is justifiable. But when you send someone a poem, you want to speak from the heart. And words, after all, have power.

What can you expect in a custom limerick?

The structure of the limerick lends itself to something light and whimsical. But it’s certainly not limited to that. You may want something romantic, or maybe just friendly. Of course, there’s a common tendency towards the off-color and adult-themed limericks which we can explore at no additional fee. Or perhaps you want something highfalutin and erudite, steeped in historical references and literary allusions. Your limerick could be spiritual but not religious, or even religious but not spiritual.

The possibilities are limitless. And then I add the secret sauce. Every limerick needs something special, something immeasurable and unquantifiable.

If you’d rather have a poem in a different format, that’s OK too. But I do specialize in rhyming poetry, either in anapest meter (da-da-DAH da-da-DAH da-da-DAH) or iambic (da-DAH da-DAH da-DAH da-DAH).

What else do I need to deliver your custom limerick?

In order to put together a meaningful and memorable limerick with genuine flair, I need as many personal details as you are willing to divulge. If there’s a critical bit that must be in the limerick, like the date of a wedding anniversary, in the case of a recent project, let me know. Otherwise, the more data I have to work with, the better job I can do making every word count.

That doesn’t mean I will include every piece of information you provide. It simply gives me more material and more opportunity to produce that sense of intimacy. That’s the difference between a Hallmark card and a personalized limerick. These poems have character, and the recipients will cherish them for a lifetime. Even if they know you didn’t write it yourself, it will be obvious that the message came from you and was meant only for them.

How qualified am I to write limericks?

Click here and take a look at some genuine testimonials and reviews to see what others are saying.

The fact is, I’ve spent more hours and years writing limericks than I’d care to admit. I currently have three anthologies of limericks for sale on Amazon. And more collections have already been written, to be formatted and uploaded to my Amazon page in the coming months.

And as you’ll see from perusing this website and my books, my limericks aren’t just a series of tawdry poppy doodle. I take on some pretty complicated themes and topics. If I can endorse the wisdom of Greek philosophy, question the possibility of reincarnation, or address the paradox of a black hole, exploring the nuances of your personal life will certainly be a cinch.

Consider the following examples.

     Nicomachean Ethics
     Racing through life with an engine full throttle
     A foot in the grave and a hand on the bottle
               In search of right living
               You should have been giving
     A little more time to my friend Aristotle

     Transmigration of Souls
     There’s a comforting concept of metempsychosis
     The spirit moves on while the flesh decomposes
               But the birth rate’s exceeded
               So new souls are needed
     And this is the number one problem it poses

     The Schwarzschild Radius
     There are places in space where the laws are suspended
     Where light disappears and the time is upended
               Best keep your eyes on
               The event horizon
     ‘Cause falling below it is not recommended

Personal examples?

To write a customized limerick, I rely on a lot of personal information. But confidentiality is a top priority. That’s one reason I don’t like to republish the personalized limericks I’ve written for other people. They also contain inside jokes that general audiences wouldn’t recognize and might even misconstrue as nonsense. So I haven’t included any examples in this article, nor do I share them on social media.

Drop me a line!

If you have any more questions or you’re ready for me to get started on your special limerick, all you have to do is email me hornadaytoday@gmail.com. Operators are standing by! Ordinary turn-around time is less than 48 hours.

Further Reading

If you’re interested in custom limericks, or limericks in general, there’s plenty more to see on this website. Have a look around and please consider sharing the post or subscribing to the blog. You might also want to check out some of these popular articles:

• Limericks about Introspection
• 11 Inspiring Limericks
• Limericks about Jungian Depth Psychology
• 13 Educational Limericks
• The History of Limericks from Shakespeare to Spirit Rock