Limericks about the New Testament

A total of 27 books make up the official canon of the New Testament Bible. That’s easy to remember, because three is the number of the Holy Trinity, and 27 is three raised to the third power.

Unlike the irrefutable certainty of mathematics, however, the message of the New Testament and the alleged words of Jesus are subject to great debate. Now, I don’t claim to have a monopoly on the holy truth, but that’s never stopped me from being feverishly opinionated.

Hopefully, the following limericks about the New Testament will offer a fresh perspective on the Greatest Story Ever Told. The androgyny of our Savior and the legacy of Biblical misinterpretations are topics especially worthy of head scratching and hand wringing. But whether or not these limericks can save your soul, who can say for sure?

With that in mind, I’d like to wish you all a splendid and glorious holiday, whether you spend it at the mall with a credit card in hand, or in the pews making a joyful noise unto the Lord, or in the kitchen with a litany of recipes to satisfy all of your family’s dietary restrictions.

 

     Judas Iscariot
     There’s a two-faced back-stabbing apostle
     Who acted suspiciously docile
               Although Jesus Christ
               Was hardly surprised
     The outcome was kind of colossal

     Dial “M” for Martyr  
     A fool lost the world while gaining his soul
     To speak from the heart was the ultimate goal
               But the listeners were few
               And while trying to be true
     The price of salvation exacted its toll

     Jesus Christ 
     There was once a newborn Nazarene
     Whose mother was perfectly clean
               Was He the Messiah
               Or just a pariah
     Making trouble for Mujahideen?

     Mercy at the Window  
     Jesus, He stands, with his hands at the door
     At the thunder of knocking you wonder what for
               But a gossamer specter 
               You didn’t expect her
     And quietly, Christ, She advances with more

     Let There Be Logos  
     Knowledge for some is a switch to be flipped
     A matter of wisdom so easily gripped
               The single solution
               A word of locution
     And risen like flesh from a stone-covered crypt

     High Crimes  
     Two thousand years of a scriptural heist
     His message was scrambled, His words have been diced
               As churches and pastors
               Submit to new masters
     And not even close to the teachings of Christ

Further Reading

If you liked these limericks about the New Testament, you’ll be sure to enjoy:

• Limericks about the Old Testament
• Limericks about Moses and the Exodus
• Limericks about the Garden of Eden
• 8 Common questions about limericks