12 of the best limericks that aren't dirty

A legacy of licentious limericks lingers in the collective consciousness. But like any scarred psyche, the limerick is capable of so much more. The following collection, an even dozen limericks, not only avoids the salacious subject-matter so often characteristic of the infamous five-liner. These lyrical verses go well beyond the lewd and the crude, entering territories deep and profound.

To say that these limericks are suitable for all ages might be going too far. Indeed, they do demand a familiarity with certain topics of literature and philosophy. The underaged reader therefore runs the risk of encountering some fresh concepts and idea that might lead to a little tingling in the brain. Still, these limericks contain nothing X-rated and are unlikely to cause any permanent damage to the mind or the soul.

And so without further ado, here are some of the best and least offensive limericks I could find on short notice, proving they don’t need to be dirty to be provocative.

Ineffable Causation
Less than concrete but it’s more than a notion
The very strong sense of perpetual motion
And nobody knows
Where the energy goes
But the force that propels it has earned my devotion

Echoes of the Irrational
Though the facts at our fingers are vast and voluminous
Reason alone can be arid and ruinous
Make up your mind
Leave logic behind
And come face to face with the sparkling numinous

In the Garden of Your Mind
Ideas all scattered like so many seeds
One thought is planted – Who knows where it leads?
All of them grow
So watch what you sow
The unfocused mind will run riot with weeds

The Bridge to Know Where
The eyelids are down but the candle is glowing
Consider the zephyr that never stops blowing
A weightless foundation
With no explanation
A message unheard from the cloud of unknowing

The Sorcerer’s Apprentice
Conjuring energies at your command
Channelling nature to strengthen your hand
Invoking vibrations
With keen incantations
Exerting the power that few understand

Rene Descartes
Descartes he once wondered because
Of the mind and the things that it does
His quest for the truth
Was lacking in proof
But he thought and so therefore he was

Fyodor Dostoyevsky
There’s a grandiose gambler who suffers from seizures
His opus consisted of several crowd pleasers
And painstaking students
Exhibit their prudence
Dissecting his novels with scalpels and tweezers

The Hero’s Passage
An orphan abandoned, alone in a basket
Later reborn, downstream in a casket
Drew strength from the source
A mysterious force
It can strengthen you too, if you know how to ask it

Diluvial Legends
From out of antiquity, flood waters rise
A deluge of knowledge, an awful surprise
The wave of compunction
A holy injunction
Come see where the seabed of consciousness lies

Approach the Temple
The priesthood of ancients with wisdom of yore
Keepers of mysteries, knowledge and more
Inscribed in their scrolls
Are the secrets of souls
Like what to expect when you pass through the door

The Shadow Knows
A saboteur lingers outside in the cold
But the curse that he carries is greater than gold
It’s worse to deny it
So why don’t you try it
Invite him and welcome him into the fold

Inside Job
A chorus of voices may whisper and shout
From the back of your mind raising questions and doubt
But never give in
To the skeptics within
When you call them by name you can drive them all out

Further Reading

In the beginning was the worm

The night before Christmas, revisited

Beatified Limericks for All Saints’ Day